{"id":1080,"date":"2021-10-07T08:45:32","date_gmt":"2021-10-07T12:45:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/js1cd06kre.onrocket.site\/?p=1080"},"modified":"2021-10-07T08:45:32","modified_gmt":"2021-10-07T12:45:32","slug":"if-only","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/2021\/10\/07\/if-only\/","title":{"rendered":"If Only"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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On the day Thomas Carlyle\u2019s wife was buried it poured down rain.

In April 1866, the Scottish writer and a group of mourners tramped through the mud to the cemetery where Jane was laid to rest.  They had been married for 40 years.  Then he returned to his home, feeling desperately alone. 

The Carlyles\u2019 relationship had been shaped by his relentless drive to become a world famous historian and essayist. 

He needed his space.  He needed quiet.  One of Jane\u2019s \u201chousehold duties\u201d had been to try to squelch the barking of dogs and crowing of roosters in the neighborhood so he could focus.

What Carlyle had failed to notice was his wife\u2019s yearning for his attention, especially as she became increasingly frail.    

Sitting in the chair near her now-empty bed, he noticed her diary.  Jane had also been gifted with the pen.  Although none of her works were published during her lifetime, she is now celebrated as one of the great letter writers of the Victorian Age.

On one of the last pages in her diary, Carlyle read this single sentence: \u201cYesterday he spent an hour with me and it was like heaven; I love him so.\u201d  It began to dawn on him that in the midst of his never-ending preoccupation with work, he had become blind to how much she cared for him.  Then he read these words: \u201cI have listened all day to hear his steps in the hall, but now it is late and I guess he won\u2019t come today.\u201d

A few hours later Carlyle\u2019s friends found him kneeling beside Jane\u2019s grave, sobbing and covered with mud.  \u201cIf only I had known,\u201d he cried.  \u201cIf only I had known.\u201d

If only<\/em> are two of the most painful words in the English language. 

Once you begin a sentence with if only<\/em>, you have plunged into a time warp of regret.  

If only I had been humble and stayed quiet, I wouldn\u2019t have made such a fool of myself at that meeting.<\/em>
If only I hadn\u2019t been so harsh with my kids, we might actually have a relationship today.<\/em>
If only I had never picked up that first cigarette, I wouldn\u2019t be trapped by this horrible habit.<\/em>
If only I had walked away the first time he hit me, I could have salvaged my sense of self-worth.<\/em>
If only I had made that basket, I wouldn\u2019t have to live forever as the reason we lost the championship.<\/em>
If only I had saved a few dollars every week, I would be looking at such a bleak retirement.<\/em>
If only I hadn\u2019t cared so much about my list of things to do, I wouldn\u2019t feel so alone today.<\/em>

Psychologist Les Parrot points out that if only <\/em>statements are deadly because they force us to live in a place where we no longer have the opportunity to change our lives:  the past. 

Living anxiously in the past yields regret.  Living anxiously in the future generates worry.  While it\u2019s true that God exists in all dimensions of time and space simultaneously \u2013 past, present, and future \u2013 there\u2019s only one moment in which we can relate to God directly. 

That would be this moment. <\/em>

Every if only<\/em> is powered by a pair of lies.  The first is that life would somehow be simple and easy and beautiful if only the past were different.  Just as worriers tend to catastrophize tomorrow \u2013 \u201cI bet something awful is going to happen\u201d \u2013 people consumed by regret tend to romanticize yesterday: \u201cIf only I had just done thus and so, right now I wouldn\u2019t have a problem in the world.\u201d

That, of course, is absurd.  It\u2019s more accurate to say we\u2019d simply be juggling a different set of problems. 

The second lie is that we\u2019re trapped \u2013 locked up in the prisons of our past actions. 

But we actually have great power.  That power is embodied in our next play. 

It\u2019s healthy to look back and admit that other paths would have been wiser.  But if you\u2019re reading these words, you haven\u2019t yet reached the final pages of your story.  How will you pray and work and study and serve and open your heart to others from this moment on<\/em>? 

To quote once again the apostle Paul in II Corinthians 6:2: \u201cNow is the time of God\u2019s salvation, now is the day of salvation.\u201d

By God\u2019s grace, if <\/em>and only <\/em>don\u2019t have to be the last two words that are spoken over your life.   
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On the day Thomas Carlyle\u2019s wife was buried it poured down rain. In April 1866, the Scottish writer and a group of mourners tramped through the mud to the cemetery where Jane was laid to rest.  They had been married for 40 years.  Then he returned to his home, feeling desperately alone.  The Carlyles\u2019 relationship had been shaped by his… Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1081,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[93,342],"class_list":["post-1080","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-commitment","tag-regret"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1080","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1080"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1080\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1082,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1080\/revisions\/1082"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1081"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1080"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1080"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1080"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}