{"id":145,"date":"2020-09-16T18:36:00","date_gmt":"2020-09-16T22:36:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/js1cd06kre.onrocket.site\/?p=145"},"modified":"2020-12-02T18:38:11","modified_gmt":"2020-12-02T23:38:11","slug":"you-poor-thing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/2020\/09\/16\/you-poor-thing\/","title":{"rendered":"You Poor Thing"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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When it comes to love relationships, our culture assumes that big moments are a big deal.

That\u2019s what we see on the screen. 

Humphrey Bogart tenderly wraps his arms around a weepy Ingrid Bergman and she surrenders her heart.   A real man ought to embrace his woman while they lie together in the pounding surf, or boldly declare, \u201cNobody puts Baby in the corner.\u201d  Romantic moments are larger-than-life, unrepeatable, Oscar-caliber moments.

Or consider those big moments in the marketplace. 

If you\u2019re not in the mood to get seriously salt-encrusted on the beach, surprise your partner with a new car topped by a red bow.  Or maybe something sparkly in a small box.  Or maybe go for a medium-sized box.  After all, while a pound of chocolates doesn\u2019t last forever, it may last up to 45 minutes. 

While it\u2019s fun to receive special gifts, healthy love relationships aren\u2019t cemented by retail purchases or Academy Award-worthy moments.  Romance in the real world rises and falls on small moments \u2013 a steady diet of little choices and incremental steps that are easy to overlook.   

According to marriage researcher John Gottman, <\/em>relationships are glued together when partners, in myriad small ways, turn toward each other instead of turning away. 

In his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work <\/em>he writes: \u201cCouples who turn toward each other remain emotionally engaged\u2026\u201d They \u201care storing up goodwill that will serve as a cushion during major stress or conflict.\u201d

So how do we get there?  Choose to take your partner\u2019s side<\/em>.  

I cannot tell you how many times I have listened to Mary Sue express her frustration concerning something that happened in traffic, or how hard it was to connect with a real person in customer service, to which I have helpfully responded, \u201cMaybe you should have started your trip earlier,\u201d or, \u201cThat call center associate was probably just having a bad day.\u201d  These are not particularly supportive remarks.  I can almost feel the curtain of pain and misunderstanding descending between us.

It\u2019s not that I don\u2019t adore my wife.  Or provide for her.  Or assure her that I would gladly stand between her and a swarm of Asian murder hornets.  Or that (as I suspect), Brad Pitt feels strangely inadequate whenever he and I are in the same room.

It\u2019s just that I so often miss the little moment \u2013 that little opportunity to let her know that I am on her side.

Gottman proclaims the power of three magic words:  You poor thing<\/strong><\/em>.<\/em>

Before we say anything else \u2013 even if we are fairly certain that the person to whom we have made lifetime promises has indeed acted like a blockhead \u2013 we need to convey to each other, \u201cI\u2019m on your side.  You poor thing.  How awful it must have been to be in that situation.\u201d  That\u2019s what it means to turn toward each other. 

Healthy relationships run on the fuel of honor and respect.  That\u2019s surely at the root of the apostle Paul\u2019s statement in Romans 12:10:  \u201cBe devoted to each other.\u201d

We can make big plans that we hope will lead to big moments. 

Or we can do something less dramatic that will almost certainly be more powerful:

During each of today\u2019s little moments, assure the one you love that you are on their side.    
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When it comes to love relationships, our culture assumes that big moments are a big deal. That\u2019s what we see on the screen.  Humphrey Bogart tenderly wraps his arms around a weepy Ingrid Bergman and she surrenders her heart.   A real man ought to embrace his woman while they lie together in the pounding surf, or boldly declare, \u201cNobody puts… Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":146,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[30,29],"class_list":["post-145","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-big-moments-vs-small-moments","tag-relationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=145"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":147,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145\/revisions\/147"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/146"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=145"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=145"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=145"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}