{"id":2302,"date":"2023-01-19T08:01:07","date_gmt":"2023-01-19T13:01:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/js1cd06kre.onrocket.site\/?p=2302"},"modified":"2023-01-19T08:57:52","modified_gmt":"2023-01-19T13:57:52","slug":"hope-for-a-culture-of-contempt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/2023\/01\/19\/hope-for-a-culture-of-contempt\/","title":{"rendered":"Hope for a Culture of Contempt"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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To listen to this reflection as a podcast, <\/em>click here<\/a>.
 
Noted marriage therapist John Gottman, who has observed thousands of couples in his Love Lab at the University of Washington, claims he can predict with 94% accuracy which relationships are headed for divorce.
 
What\u2019s the number one predictor?  Gottman votes for contempt<\/em>.
 
Contempt is anger mingled with disgust \u2013 the settled conviction of someone else\u2019s worthlessness.  The telltale signs are sarcasm, sneering, hostile humor and the ultimate giveaway, eye-rolling.  When Gottman sees partners react to each other by rolling their eyes, he has come to have a high degree of confidence that apart from powerful course corrections, disintegration is on the way. 
 
Contempt, unfortunately, has become a dominant reality across America\u2019s political landscape.
 
In his book Forgive Your Enemies<\/em>, columnist Arthur Brooks suggests that our nation\u2019s greatest challenge is navigating through \u201ca culture of contempt.\u201d  According to a 2017 Reuters poll, one in six Americans stopped talking to a friend or family member because of the 2016 election.  Contempt springs from the assumption that there is no possibility of finding common ground.  \u201cMy motives are based in love.  Your motives are based in hate.  Only a selfish and immoral person could believe what you believe.  And don\u2019t throw your \u2018facts\u2019 in my face.  Your news is fake news.\u201d 
 
Contempt goes beyond anger.  Anger says, \u201cI care enough about these issues to get emotionally involved.\u201d  Contempt says, \u201cYou aren\u2019t even worth caring about.\u201d  In anger, I may want to hurt someone.  In contempt, I don\u2019t care if you get hurt or not. 
 
If this is where our relational and political conversations begin, it\u2019s no surprise that we so often end up hurling insults at each other.
 
Heading into the 2018 midterms, six siblings of an incumbent congressman filmed a series of TV ads denouncing him.  A sister labeled him a racist.  A brother sighed, \u201cHe just doesn\u2019t appear to be well.\u201d  The congressman responded that his siblings are \u201crelated by blood to me, but like leftists everywhere, they put political ideology before family.  Stalin would be proud.\u201d  It might be best to decline an invitation to join this family for Thanksgiving dinner.
 
After political candidates invest an entire election season rolling their eyes and calling their opponents liars, fools, or criminals, who can be shocked that it\u2019s hard for Democrats and Republicans to govern together?
 
The good news is that we don\u2019t have to act this way.  There\u2019s hope for our culture \u2013 especially when we come to grips with the good reasons for leaving contempt behind. 
 
Brooks devotes much of his book to demonstrating that contempt isn\u2019t just bad for those we are rejecting.  It\u2019s seriously bad for us<\/em>.  Contempt makes us unhappy, unhealthy, and unattractive even to those who agree with us.
 
Jesus doesn\u2019t hesitate to address anger and contempt in his Sermon the Mount.  He says, \u201cYou have heard that it was said to the people long ago, \u2018You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.\u2019 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment.  Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, \u2018Raca,\u2019 is answerable to the court.  And anyone who says, \u2018You fool!\u2019 will be in danger of the fire of hell\u201d (Matthew 5:21-22).
 
Words are serious things.  Words can wound and kill.   
 
\u201cRaca\u201d is one of about 20 Aramaic words that appear in the New Testament.  Many of them have come into common English usage without being translated.  Think of \u201camen,\u201d \u201chosanna,\u201d \u201crabbi,\u201d and \u201cabba.\u201d
 
\u201cRaca,\u201d however, is a singularly fierce word.  It is an expression of contempt, and is far stronger than the \u201cyou idiot\u201d that some translations prefer.  It\u2019s likely that its very sound \u2013 \u201crahcahhh\u201d<\/em> \u2013 is meant to represent the gathering of spit at the back of the throat \u2013 spit that I intend to hurl at someone I consider worthless. 
 
Jesus makes it clear that there will be serious consequences for people who unrepentantly set out to hurt other people.  Bible scholar Dale Bruner comments, \u201cAnger carried and vented, according to Jesus\u2019 astonishing assessment, is Last-Judgment-and-hell-deserving crime.\u201d
 
But what if we have to deal with people whose views are truly repugnant?
 
Opinions might be worthy of rejection.  But we must never curse or dismiss the people who hold them.  Every woman and every man you will ever meet bears the image of God.  That is our ultimate common ground.  We may repudiate their opinions, but always with respect \u2013 and always with the hope that we might somehow find a way to go forward together. 
 
John Gottman insists that disagreement with a spouse, partner, cantankerous neighbor, or even a sworn enemy never needs to descend into contempt.
 
He reminds us of the five-to-one rule:  Balance every critical remark you make to someone with five positive ones. 
 
That may seem impossibly hard.
 
But nobody ever said that loving real people would be easy.
 
And it may even be that God intends to deploy us on the front lines of his efforts to transform our culture of contempt into a culture of his grace.   <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

To listen to this reflection as a podcast, click here. Noted marriage therapist John Gottman, who has observed thousands of couples in his Love Lab at the University of Washington, claims he can predict with 94% accuracy which relationships are headed for divorce. What\u2019s the number one predictor?  Gottman votes for contempt. Contempt is anger mingled with disgust \u2013 the settled conviction of someone… Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2303,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[552,18],"class_list":["post-2302","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-contempt","tag-hope"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2302","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2302"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2302\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2305,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2302\/revisions\/2305"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2303"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2302"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2302"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2302"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}