{"id":684,"date":"2021-04-30T08:11:05","date_gmt":"2021-04-30T12:11:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/js1cd06kre.onrocket.site\/?p=684"},"modified":"2021-04-30T08:11:05","modified_gmt":"2021-04-30T12:11:05","slug":"say-a-good-word","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/2021\/04\/30\/say-a-good-word\/","title":{"rendered":"Say a Good Word"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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So, is it worth ten bucks to break the habit of making destructive comments about other people?

Marshall Goldsmith thought so. 

Which is why he chose to put his money where his mouth had gone all too often. 

Verbal put-downs and destructive witticisms aren\u2019t just the hallmarks of seventh grade boys.  Most contemporary American sitcoms roll out never-ending repartees of sarcasm and cutting remarks.  TV trailers for upcoming episodes feature the edgiest verbal grenades \u2013 appealing to us to set our DVRs so we don\u2019t miss a single gotcha <\/em>moment. 

Unsurprisingly, many workplaces and family rooms have become the domain of negative humor and personal put-downs.  And it\u2019s a hard habit to break.

I know that all too well.  For years I\u2019ve been aware of the fact that my words can damage other people.  I try to coach myself daily:  \u201cPositive humor, positive comments about other people.\u201d  But in the moment \u2013 when you think of that snappy retort that you just can\u2019t keep to yourself \u2013 it\u2019s as if I\u2019m right back in seventh grade. 

Goldsmith writes, in his bestseller What Got You Here Won\u2019t Get You There<\/em>:  \u201cWe make destructive comments without thinking \u2013 and therefore without noticing or remembering.  But the objects of our scorn remember.  Press them and they will accurately replay every biting comment we\u2019ve made at their expense.\u201d

Goldsmith quickly learned that he himself was not immune to this reality.  When he asked for the feedback of his own associates, they pointed out that he made destructive comments all the time. 

\u201cThis was a problem for me as a manager.  In an environment where everyone\u2019s preaching the value of teamwork and reaching out in the organization, what happens to the quality of teamwork and cooperation when we stab our coworkers in the back in front of other people?\u201d

So he came up with a plan.  He even gave himself a financial incentive:

\u201cIf you ever hear me make another destructive comment about another person,\u201d Goldsmith told his team, \u201cI\u2019ll pay you $10 each time you bring it to my attention.  I\u2019m going to break this habit.\u2019

Goldsmith encouraged them not to hold back.  \u201cTurns out it wasn\u2019t necessary.  In fact, they would trick me into making nasty comments because they wanted the $10.  They\u2019d mention the names of people guaranteed to bring up some bile \u2013 and I took the bait each time.  They mentioned a colleague named Max and I said, \u2018Can you believe he has a Ph.D.?  He has no idea what he\u2019s talking about.\u2019  Ten bucks.\u201d

By noon on the first day, Goldsmith was down $50.  He locked himself in his office and refused to speak to anyone the rest of the day. 

Hiding wouldn\u2019t solve the issue, of course, but the financial pain had at least helped change his thinking.  The next day his put-downs cost him $30.  The third day, just $10.

Goldsmith reports that the policy stayed in place in his office for several weeks.  The quality of his speech radically improved.  He reflects: \u201cMy experience proves a simple point:  Spend a few thousand dollars and you will get better!\u201d

The apostle Paul nails it: 

\u201cDo not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.\u201d <\/em>(Ephesians 4:29)

In other words, you can be funny.  And you can be clever.  You can make a snappy remark at someone else\u2019s expense and try to get a laugh.    

Or you can speak a simple word of encouragement \u2013 a life-giving blessing that someone might still be savoring years from now.    

That may not get you a part on a sitcom. 

But it\u2019s a good bet your life will turn out to be richer \u2013 in several senses of the word. 
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So, is it worth ten bucks to break the habit of making destructive comments about other people? Marshall Goldsmith thought so.  Which is why he chose to put his money where his mouth had gone all too often.  Verbal put-downs and destructive witticisms aren\u2019t just the hallmarks of seventh grade boys.  Most contemporary American sitcoms roll out never-ending repartees of… Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":685,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[79,225],"class_list":["post-684","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-encouragement","tag-verbal-criticism"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/684","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=684"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/684\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":686,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/684\/revisions\/686"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/685"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=684"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=684"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=684"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}