{"id":897,"date":"2021-07-29T09:42:21","date_gmt":"2021-07-29T13:42:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/js1cd06kre.onrocket.site\/?p=897"},"modified":"2021-07-29T09:42:21","modified_gmt":"2021-07-29T13:42:21","slug":"the-heart-of-friendship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/2021\/07\/29\/the-heart-of-friendship\/","title":{"rendered":"The Heart of Friendship"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Throughout July we\u2019re taking an in-depth look at Proverbs, the Bible\u2019s one-of-a-kind book about our never-ending need for wisdom.<\/em>

\u201cThe best things in life are\u2026not things<\/em>.\u201d 

The secret of human happiness is no big mystery.  It\u2019s relationships \u2013 close, healthy, and enduring relationships. 

The first thing about creation that God said was \u201cnot good\u201d was the aloneness of the first human being.  The reason solitary punishment is such an awful penalty is that it isolates us from the human contact we all need to thrive.

When people describe the primacy of relationships, marriage deservedly gets a lot of attention.  Friendships tend to be overlooked \u2013 an oversight that prevents us from recognizing the emotional, spiritual and even physical wellbeing that comes from walking with close companions.

Consider the friendship landscape of our culture. 

Imagine a triangle.  The base represents the number of individuals that the average person living in our society knows by name.  That tally falls somewhere between 500 and 2000.  The middle of the triangle represents core acquaintances \u2013 people whom we know well enough to meaningfully meet and greet.  That number stands between 20 and 100.  The top of the triangle represents close friends.  It\u2019s going to be a single digit \u2013 somewhere between one and seven.

So here\u2019s the good news.  Remember back in high school when it seemed that certain people \u2013 \u201cthe cool people\u201d \u2013 hogged<\/em> all the best friends?  The simple truth is that they were merely collecting acquaintances.  They were filling up the middle of their triangles.  Most human beings are capable of sustaining only a handful of truly close friendships.

And you don\u2019t have to be beautiful or insightful or popular or rich or athletic to make and to be a true friend. 

Many of us suffered through nights of inner dread wondering if we would ever find close companions or if they would ever find us.  The reassuring discovery is that no matter what our age or stage in life, friendship is God\u2019s equal opportunity relationship.

Unfortunately, friendship as a way of life appears to be in decline.  Twenty-five years ago, Americans revealed that on average they had three close friends.  Today that number has sunk to two.  Two decades ago, 10% of Americans admitted that they had no friends at all.  Today that number has skyrocketed to 25%.  Preliminary evidence from the pandemic suggests that numerous people are emerging from \u201csheltering in place\u201d feeling more lonely than ever.  Men are especially vulnerable.  Two thirds of males cannot name a best friend.

The book of Proverbs is Friendship Central on the pages of Scripture.  Here\u2019s just a smattering of the relational wisdom it presents:

\u201cSome friendships do not last, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother\u201d (18:24).  \u201cAn honest answer is the sign of true friendship\u201d (24:26).  \u201cFriends always show their love. What are brothers and sisters for if not to share troubles?\u201d (17:7).  \u201cAs iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another\u201d (27:17). <\/strong>

So how do friends come into our lives? 

Friendships just seem to happen, often when we don\u2019t expect it.  We discover a shared understanding with another human being.  You feel that way, too, huh?<\/em>  It may be the things that he finds funny, or the fact that she is always stirred by the same author you love.  Friendship has been described as a long conversation with lots of space in between.  You find this person easy to listen to \u2013 and miracle of miracles, he or she actually wants to listen to you<\/em>.

For 16 years I was blessed to serve on the same church staff as Bob Jordan, a fellow pastor. <\/strong> It\u2019s interesting that Bob and I became good friends, because while our hearts beat strongly together on numerous important matters, we were also quite different from each other.  Sometimes we drove each other crazy. 

At one point while Bob and I worked together on a long-term strategic project, I became exasperated.  I could not understand why he kept clinging tenaciously to certain perspectives, failing to recognize the inherent brilliance of my way of seeing things. 

One day I was sitting in my office, rehearsing my next remarks to him.  You know, you can practice being right or you can practice being gracious.  But rarely can you do both at the same time. 

All of a sudden Bob stuck his head around my door.  He said, \u201cAre we all right?\u201d  Now he wasn\u2019t asking, \u201cDo we agree on these issues, and do we see things exactly the same way?\u201d  He meant, \u201cIs our friendship secure?\u201d  And just like that all my concerns melted away.  Our deep bond overrode our momentary sticking points \u2013 which, by the way, I wouldn’t be able to remember today if I tried. 

What we learn in Proverbs is that friendships are treasures.  They represent a shared heart, a consistent rooting for each other, and a gladness to sacrifice for each other. 

But as important as they are, we need to acknowledge that friendships cannot bear too much weight.  If we look for our security and significance from our friends \u2013 if we entrust them with the huge tasks of helping us feel loved and important \u2013 we will ultimately be disappointed. 

Close companions cannot rescue us or infuse our lives with meaning.  Friends matter \u2013 but they\u2019re not our saviors.

Amazingly, the One who identifies himself as our Savior also wants to be our friend.  In John 15:13, Jesus quite simply takes friendship to a new level: \u201cGreater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends.\u201d  And then he did just that \u2013 not only for the disciples, his closest friendship circle, but for the rest of humanity.  He became the ultimate fulfillment of Proverbs 18:24.  Jesus is the friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Even close friendships, unfortunately, can be fragile. 

Moving away can bring an enriching partnership to an end. <\/strong> So can changing circumstances \u2013 a new job, a new marriage, a new baby. 

But the number one reason that friendships fail to thrive is neglect.  We forget to call.  We fail to remember an important anniversary.  We take the treasure for granted and forget to make investments of time. 

When a friend physically dies, there\u2019s usually a service and specific ways to mourn.  What\u2019s sad is that no one brings casseroles to your house when a friendship<\/em> dies.  All too often, even those at the center of that relationship don\u2019t notice until it\u2019s too late.

So what can we do?  Before this day is out, consider renewing a neglected friendship.  You may want to reach out and say, \u201cOur friendship really meant a lot to me.  And I miss it.\u201d 

Maybe some humility will need to come into play.  Or an apology.  Or an expression of forgiveness. 

You may end up experiencing nothing more than a brief reconnection.  But it could become something more.

You may discover that, by God\u2019s grace, an old friend can become a new friend all over again.
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Throughout July we\u2019re taking an in-depth look at Proverbs, the Bible\u2019s one-of-a-kind book about our never-ending need for wisdom. \u201cThe best things in life are\u2026not things.\u201d  The secret of human happiness is no big mystery.  It\u2019s relationships \u2013 close, healthy, and enduring relationships.  The first thing about creation that God said was \u201cnot good\u201d was the aloneness of the first… Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":898,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[156,123],"class_list":["post-897","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-friendship","tag-proverbs"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/897","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=897"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/897\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":899,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/897\/revisions\/899"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/898"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=897"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=897"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glennsreflections.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=897"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}