Copyright: 20th Century Studios
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Throughout the month of November we’re looking at civility – how trusting God can help us cultivate a disposition of the mind and heart that has the potential to revolutionize our culture and ourselves.
As the sun comes up on this first day after the midterm elections, there’s one thing we know for sure:
There won’t be any political commercials today reminding us that certain candidates are corrupt, reckless, too liberal, too conservative, guilty of insider trading, and almost certainly on the payroll of the Antichrist.
At the beginning of every new election cycle, there are always promises: “We intend to run a positive campaign.” But almost always, negative ads flood the airwaves. They are distressing. They bend the truth. They violate what is commonly regarded as public decorum. They savage the dream of civility. But they just keep coming.
Why is that so?
The answer is obvious: They work.
TV viewers simply can’t look away. When somebody else has a rotten day – especially when the high and mighty are taken down a few notches – many of us experience a little rush of joy.
Do you find yourself drawn to internet articles like “The Most Shocking Celebrity Plastic Surgery Fails of All Time”? When your high-achieving sister finally experiences a major setback, do you have to suppress a smile?
Welcome to the world of Schadenfreude – a German word that’s notoriously difficult to translate but has still become part and parcel of American slang. It literally means “harm-joy.” But we’re talking about a certain kind of harm, and a certain species of joy.
Schadenfreude is the pleasure of seeing pain or humiliation descend upon another human being – usually someone we think deserves to suffer and could stand to experience as much misery as the rest of us.
The poster child for Schadenfreude is Nelson, one of the uncouth neighborhood kids from The Simpsons. But Nelson at least has the decency to point and laugh out loud. Ha-Ha! Most of us keep our Schadenfreude to ourselves. It might even be more fun that way.
So, what’s going on here? Why do so many of us feel happy when a politician we can’t stand is caught taking a bribe, or the Homecoming Queen appears to have aged so dramatically at our class reunion, or the company that lured away two of our most gifted workers goes under, leaving them financially out in the cold?
Scientific studies suggest that when other people fail, we feel better about ourselves. Suddenly our own disappointments don’t seem quite so extreme. Sometimes there’s a sense that justice, at last, is being done.
Religious people are not immune from such impulses. We may affirm that we are blessed by God, but deep down we fear that God isn’t really committed to us. Maybe life is a zero-sum game. If God chooses to bless someone else, there won’t be enough left over for me. As you might suspect, there are deep-seated spiritual issues at work here.
Which brings us to three words which are sometimes used interchangeably, but which actually have distinct identities.
Coveting means, “I want what you have.” According to the Bible, coveting is always wrong. It is explicitly forbidden as the tenth of the Ten Commandments. God calls us to be content with what we have, and not to long for somebody else’s season tickets, retirement package, SUV, or exceedingly well-behaved children.
Jealousy means, “I don’t want you to have what I have.” This one is a little trickier. Sometimes jealousy is a sign of pettiness and insecurity. It can be the antithesis of open-hearted generosity.
But it can also be appropriate and healthy. Since I love my spouse, my antennae are always going to go up if someone is trying to come between us. This is why God says he is a jealous God (Exodus 20:5). He won’t stand for his people pursuing relationships with false gods.
Envy means, “I don’t want you to have what you have.” Now we’re into seriously dark territory. Notice that envy has nothing to do with what I have or don’t have. My pleasure or displeasure is based entirely on your experience.
If you win the Lottery, I will struggle to feel happy for you. If you can’t fit into your swimsuit next summer, I’ll secretly be delighted. Bitterness and envy are close traveling companions. Most Disney cartoon villains just want the hero or heroine to suffer: You shouldn’t marry and be happy, you shouldn’t go to the ball, and you shouldn’t be the fairest in the land. Because if you are, I will be miserable.
That’s Schadenfreude. Please have a bad day so I can have a good one.
It’s obvious that coveting, jealousy, and envy are mortal enemies of civility. As long as I am rooting for your unhappiness, I will hardly be doing all I can to help the two of us enjoy a thriving, hopeful relationship.
God, of course, isn’t neutral about any of this. The apostle Paul tells the church at Rome, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15).
That may seem like a simple formula, but it can feel like an impossible hill to climb. If our hearts and minds are overwhelmed by bitterness and competitiveness, they will never be equal to the task. That is, unless we experience what Paul describes at the beginning of the same chapter: “Don’t be conformed any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds” (Romans 12:2).
We cannot drive the Schadenfreude from our hearts through a sheer act of the will.
But the Holy Spirit can. If we ask. And if we present ourselves for spiritual surgery.
Gradually we can begin to experience a distinctly different kind of pleasure: the joy of realizing that we are so utterly blessed by God that God’s blessings can never run out – even when he chooses to shower them on other people.